if i was trapped inside a room filled with explosives and the only way out was to eat a whole tomato i would die
(via inbox)
So in middle school we weren’t allowed to have any drinks aside from water but I kept sprite or the clear kool aid in a water bottle and felt like I was someone who made moonshine during the prohibition era.
(via inbox)
life is full of little surprises, for example:
‘dog food lid’ when read backwards is ‘dildo of god’
truly amazing
(via lordoftheinternet)
Why do dogs go mental when they see another dog
I imagine that in their heads they’re like
THAT IS DOG
I AM DOG
DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG
(via jesussbabymomma)
if people get offended by girls not wearing bras because their nipples poke through their shirt then we should require every boy in the world to wear bras too i am so tired of seeing man nipples
(via inbox)
- boy: shit baby you're so wet already
- girl: that's actually just vaginal discharge and my body is cleansing itself from bacteria and dead cells to prevent infection and to maintain optimal reproductive health i'm not even all that turned on right now and i would prefer to go get some food or something
If you say “old sport” three times in front of your mirror Gatsby will appear and awkwardly hit on your wife
(via inbox)
